MY STORY (JACK VILLARI)
In the early summer of 94, my daughter contracted Valley Fever which is indigenous to desert locations in the Southwestern United States.  The average person is able to fight off this infection, sometimes without any medication.    My daughter was born with a weak immune system and consequently suffered many viral infections during her 19 years of life.  Valley Fever is a bacterial infection and is much more difficult to fight for people with weak immune systems.

Lana was our only daughter and first born.   I have twin boys (Anthony & Mark) 1 1/2 years younger than Lana.  During her 17 day stay in the hospital we thought she'd pull through this as she did with so many other infections in the past.  Her condition deteriorated and she spent the last week in ICU.   Three days before her death she lost consciousness and never regained it.   My wife and I sat by her bed holding her frail hands as we watched the heart beat and blood pressure slowly drop on that cold monitor that last day.   I could not believe this was happening.  I could not believe this all loving God I chose to serve as a Roman Catholic all of my life was doing this to us.  My daughter was precious.  I know most fathers would normally think that about their daughters, but Lana was a very unique girl.  Kind, gentle, peace maker, are just some of the words I can use to describe her.  Why on earth would God take her from us?  We had a memorial mass for Lana that September which is mostly a blur to me now.   I sat in church with my wife and sons searching for answers that just weren't there.

I went back to work in September.  Somehow I made it through November 7th, Lana's birthday and Thanksgiving.   When December came, I fell apart.   I was trying so hard to be strong for my wife but I guess Christmas did me in.   I couldn't believe that Christmas was here and my daughter wasn't.   I became very depressed and had to go on medical leave since I could not function at work.  I didn't return to work until the following May.  During this time, I attended a grief program through Catholic Social Services and was also under doctor's care.   I was convinced that I'd never recover and just wanted my life to end so I could be with my daughter again.

As time went on, I began to see some very positive things happen in the family.  I knew my daughter was with us and watching over us.   During this entire time, I have only had two dreams about Lana. The first dream took place a week after Lana died.  In this dream, Lana was sitting up in the hospital bed.   Her cheeks were full of color and she appeared to be very healthy.  She smiled at me and said, "Dad, I want you to sing".   The meaning of this dream came much later.   Trust me, my daughter didn't mean that literally as I've got a voice that would clear a church!  Lana was telling me to go on with life and sing with everything I am to do while still here on this earth.

I didn't have my second dream until April of 95, a month before I returned to work.  As of June 2008, that was the last dream I have had.  The day before this second dream, I had visited Lana at the cemetery.   I was distraught because I hadn't seen her in my dreams and I prayed to her for this to happen.  The following night, there she was, as beautiful as ever.  She smiled at me and said, "Dad, I am very happy.  Don't worry, we will be together again."   This second dream has given me the courage to go on with life.

Lana is watching over our family and is guiding us home.  I so desperately want to help others who are going through the grief process.   Perhaps there is something I can share to help them.   I said peace would never be possible, and I was wrong.  No, you NEVER forget the pain.  You will always feel that a part of your heart is missing, but God does heal.  Please share your stories with me, I hope I can be of help.

 

You can contact me at jvillari@cox.net